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Single +1

Sarah Fowler

I am not what you would call a “go with the flow” type of person. I am admittedly uptight, stubborn and work best when I have a schedule and things go according to plan. Not surprisingly, “spontaneous” is not my middle name. However. There is a stirring deep within my soul, a thirst that I can’t quite seem to quench and my rigid nature goes out the window with the promise of satisfying that craving. I have an incurable case of wanderlust and will travel the world in a moments notice. I don’t care where I’m going, just the thought of going somewhere, anywhere, fills my heart with a fulfilment that I can’t quite describe. There is just something about getting in your car and driving on a back country road with the windows down that’s good for the soul. Unfortunately, my five year old does not feel the same way. On a recent car trip, we had been driving less than thirty minutes when she began incessantly asking “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” And we still had four hours to go. Lord help. However, it’s weeks later and her words are still echoing in my mind. I’m 26 years old and my life looks nothing like I imagined it would at this point. I’m busting my butt and doing everything I can to get “there”, to make life better for Prinny and I but some days I feel like a hampster on a wheel that’s going nowhere fast. I’m trying, I really am but sometimes it feels like my best still isn’t enough. As an adult will there ever a point in time where we get to stop asking ourselves “Are we there yet?”
I have always been incredibly ambitious. I remember being five years old and planning on opening my own flower shop on Main Street. I had it planned right down to the begonias and my lord, I was going to be the best dang florist this town had ever seen. Then, at age eleven I decided I was going to be a soap opera actress. So, of course, I was going to move to California, convince Aaron Spelling that he had never seen anyone like me and be the top villain on Guiding Light within a month of my arrival. And at age 24, I fell into the wonderful world known as the news business. Every day I get the amazing opportunity to tell a story. Some days I get to tell my own but most days, the most inspiring days, I get to tell the story of people that I wouldn’t ordinarily meet. There’s the little old man dressed in his white suit who sits on the side of the road in his lawn chair watching as the cars drive by, the single mother whose house burned down while she and her two children just barely escaped, the teenager that got arrested for selling drugs because that’s the life they’ve always known. It’s truly a blessing and it’s one that I pour my heart and soul into. It’s also incredibly exhausting. I work well into the night, each and every night, writing as if each story is that one story that just has to get told. I am always working against the clock and there just aren’t enough hours in the day. But even still, I love it. I obviously have a preschooler as I quote Finding Nemo and tell myself “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming” because one day, all the sleepless nights and stressful days will be worth it. They have to be. Right? Right.
My life is very different than it was this time five years ago. I was living in Florida, a new Mommy and a new wife. And I was happy. Happily delusional. Now, years later, I am the happiest I have ever been. I am also the loneliest I have ever been. True story. Each night I come home from a job that I love to a child that I adore and…that’s it. And that’s great, don’t get me wrong but I’m beginning to get the very distinct feeling that something, or someone, is missing. I crawl into bed each night with only the glow of my laptop to keep me warm. And while the new Apple computer is very sleek and sexy, somehow it just doesn’t do it for me. I am longing for a partner but am so tired of the same old dating game that I’ve all but decided to join a convent. As I end yet another quasi relationship, my heart is breaking with the realization that I just don’t have the time for one. I don’t have time to be someone’s girlfriend right now because I’m someone’s Mommy and someone’s employee. My competitive nature won’t let me be anything but the best and my plate is full trying to be the best at both work and at home. I don’t have time for dinners and movies and two hour “No, you hang up first” phone calls. I want to but I just don’t. And somehow, that doesn’t have men lining up at my door. So now what? I’m enjoying this ride I’m on but I can’t help but wonder how different it would be if I had someone to share it with.
One of my favorite things in the entire world is driving through the Mississippi Delta and seeing the vast expanse before me. I never feel closer to God than I do in that moment. It’s not about the journey for me, it’s how I get there and the things I do along the way. But lately, I’ve forgotten to look up, pay attention and enjoy the moment. In the past week alone, at least three people have told me to “Stop and smell the roses”. While I see where they’re coming from, I didn’t have the heart to mention the fact that I’m highly allergic to roses, it didn’t seem appropriate. But they all have a point. While I have faith that somehow some way, I’ll end up where I’m supposed to be, I don’t want to look up one day and wonder how I got there and what all I missed along the way.
There will always be that next job, that next promotion, that house, that car that we want or convince ourselves we need. We push ourselves every day trying to provide a better life for ourselves, for our children. As human beings, it’s our desire to constantly push that envelope, to see if we can do it harder and faster than the person before us. That’s why we have electricity, why women have the right to vote and why Al Gore invented the internet. While it may be hard and there may be a few bumps and bruises along the way, I don’t want to lose that drive and determination that gets me out of bed every morning and makes me “me”. And as far as the age old “Are we there yet?”, I don’t think I’ll stop asking that question until they wheel me up to the tapioca bar at the old folks home.

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20 comments

  1. Single -3.

    Life can be hard. Very hard. And, you can’t view your current position as a mere stepping stone to your next position. That’s not fair to anyone including yourself. And, I’m not a creepy old man like you think I am… Finally, you can always rent someone to give that laptop a rest.

  2. single plus 4

    If you think being single is hard without kids, try having 4 and being a working mother.I was married 13 years to their father. You actually have it rather easy. I wish I could go on dates with ease. Most men my age (36) have kids as well and the thought of combining two households and having 6 or 7 kids can be a little much. I could tell you some storys on dating. I have been robbed, left in the boonies and stalked. You just dont even know. Dating is easy if you are young, pretty, skinny and have no kids!!!! I dont really know what you are complaining about!

    • Single -3.

      She has one (1) kindergarten age baby girl, name Prinny. I forgot for what that was short. I was harshly reprimanded earlier for saying you aren’t a parent until you have more than one (1) child. What’s your take on that?

  3. GiGi

    I’m not sure what the point of this weeks column is. If it were an essay or a term paper, it would be a C paper at best. The entire piece rambles from topic to topic. I think we are suppose to be proud of the author for being so ambitious and being a single mom and all the sacrifices she makes. Instead I want to start a fund to send the girl to college!

    • Single -3.

      Oh Gigi,,, just because you can tell she’s never taken and English composition class doesn’t mean she can’t write. It just means she could use a little more training in composition.. I can imagine it might be pretty tough for anyone to write a collumn about marriage, family, and then dating EVERY week.. It seems reasonable that making sure each thought has a paragraph, that everything is properly punctuated, and that there are no fragments or run-on sentences be an after-thought at this level… It’s still an interesting read for a single guy who appreciates any look into the female brain he can get…

      • Single -3.

        I have explained in great detail why I read the collumn and why I make online comments. Pay attention, Clark…

  4. Marilyn

    “It’s not about the journey for me, it’s how I get there and the things I do along the way. But lately, I’ve forgotten to look up, pay attention and enjoy the moment.”

    The 1st sentence is the biker motto… its not about the journey but all about the ride to get wherever. Let the wind blow all your cares away and enjoy the freedom, b/c that’s all we have are moments n its up to us to life each one to the fullest!

  5. Johnny Phillip Morris

    Why not just watch re-runs of The Jerry Springerstein Show and The Maury Povichinski Show?

  6. Carol

    YES!!!! Love this.

    Let me tell you, I KNOW where you’re coming from. Anyone that has ever worked for anything better knows where you are coming from. You look so far ahead that before you know it “now” is gone.

    Also, Johnny Morris, what are you talking about? I read your comments a lot and have no clue how anything you’re talking about is relevant. I’m not saying you SHOULDN’T say things…Maybe you just need your own little area to say them in?

  7. JohnnyPhillipMorris

    Just an old man standing in the back of the classroom throwing rotten tomatoes at the chalkboard.

  8. JohnnyPhillipMorris

    I would have hoped that Ms. Fowler would aspire to be more that just another “kiss and tell” gossip columnist. And she does seem to be branching off into the business reporting area, with Mr. Krieger’s urging I would assume.

    The Packet does need a business columnist to address some of the economic issues with the influx into the Golden Triangle of big business with deep pockets, promising jobs, jobs, jobs and demanding tax credits and loans from the taxpayers of the poorest state in the nation. And Boss Hogg Barbour and the compliant Mississippi legislature have written them a blank check.

    Is LINK director Joe Higgins the god that Birney and the Board of Supervisors make him out to be?

    Mr. Higgins is spoon-feeding us with lots of numbers and promises of properity for everyone in the midst of an economic depression for the rest of the country. How can that be? Why was the job-hungry “rust belt” of Ohio rejected by the silicon processors in favor of the GT? Ohio has a long history of mining and ore processing.
    Why the attraction to the GTR? Is it really about looking for “good ole hard-working countryboys willing to put in a day’s work?” Or do these industries really covet all that fossil water beneath the limerock? What about air quality wih all those prevailing winds directed towards Columbus?

    Mr. Higgins says the the latest silicon processing plant will utilize one-half million gallons of water per day!
    Questions need to be asked and no one is stepping up to the podium. Will that one-half million gallons/day fossil water be recycled? How will this drawdown from the aquifer affect watertables in our communities. What about the “tailings” after the quartz ore is processed? Has eminent domain been used to take land from property owners for private use? These questions are not being addressed. And we have a great geology department over at State that could respond to these questions.

    Does Ms. Fowler aspire to be an Amy McCullough(Mississippi Business Journal), or does she feel more comfortable in Joan Rivers’ shoes?

    Let’s hope that Editor Krieger will put her in the road to start eyeball-to-eyeball interviewing these “captains of industry” with lots of pics. I suggest she start with Talley Industries, Inc., one of the first defense-related industries to move into Lowndes county about ten years ago. Nothing much heard from thes folks.
    An interview with IAI’s General Foglesong would be nice, too.

  9. JohnnyPhillipMorris

    Here is the latest on MDA Leland Speed’s comeuppance from the 7-2 decision by the Mississippi State Supreme Court to reject his appeal of the Hinds County Court decision to let the eminent domain initiative remain on the ballot. The eminent domain issue WILL be on the 8November ballot.

    Speed is down for the count, but the State Supreme Court is not done and will probably hear more arguments if and when the ballot initiative passes in November.

    In the meantime, lots of pockets to be greased in the Senate, House and judicial chambers. Mississippi is known for having the best elected officials and judges that money can buy.

    http://msbusiness.com/businessblog/

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