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Single +1

Sarah Fowler

Some men just need to be taken out back and shot. Wait. Let me rephrase that…nope, that pretty much sums it up. Now while I obviously don’t mean that literally there are just some men who…whew Lordy. As women we’re taught to look out for the liars, cheaters and just overall losers. We hear these horror stories from our sister’s best friend’s mother’s neighbor’s cat; stories of men who have left women for her best friend or a woman coming home early from work one day and finding her husband parading through the house  in her heels and pink negligee. These stories scare us to death and when we actually meet a seemingly nice guy we cling to him like a life raft. We’ve been told from day one that there are “bad boys” and “nice guys”; you date one and marry the other. But what happens when you can no longer differentiate between the two? Or is it that we just don’t want to?

Sixty years after his death, James Dean is still the iconic “bad boy.” You say those two words and you immediately think of leather jackets, motorcycles and tight jeans..yes please. While you’re lucky if he buys you dinner first and certainly won’t call the next day, there’s an element of thrill there that men have been using to their advantage for decades. Then there’s the nice guy. There isn’t a smoldering, sexed up poster child for him. I hear “nice guy” and I immediately either think of my accountant or one of those “Great personality” types. Not as appealing. But. The thing about a nice guy is that you know you’ll be treated like a lady. He’ll treat you with the utmost respect and call when he says he will. And then there’s a different type of man; one who isn’t as easily identifiable. He’s the bad boy pretending to be a nice guy; a wolf in sheep’s clothing and you don’t stand a chance.

By now, I pretty much know the “type” of man I like. There isn’t a specific height, weight or build but, for me, it all boils down to personality. I like a man who walks into a room and owns it, one who is confident and has a personality as big as life. It’s been my experience that that type of man is usually just on the other side of cocky but, to quote a girlfriend, “I like a little bit of an a**hole in my man.” You don’t normally find that in a nice guy do you? There’s my problem. But last week, I thought I just might have met a nice guy who fit the bill. He was sweet, thoughtful and attentive and seemed more than a little interested in me. It was perfect. And then it wasn’t. We had spent all night together, laughing and talking about nothing and had been mistaken for a couple on more than one occasion. Hours into the evening, we were on our way to grab a drink and had already made plans to see each other again when he oh so casually dropped into the conversation: “Oh by the way, I’m engaged. Ready to go?” Um. No. No I am not. Cursing him in the middle of the street didn’t seem like the best option and I was simply too shocked to say anything other than “Congratulations.” Because, really, what was I supposed to say?  I had been completely duped; he was a seemingly “nice guy” that was just too good, or too shady, to be true.

A lot of women consider themselves to be a good judge of character. I certainly do. But when you look at the men we date…are we really, ladies? Are we so desperate, (yes, I said it, desperate) to find that elusive nice guy that we overlook certain qualities or character flaws in the not-so-nice guys? Or are the men so dang good at pulling the wool over our eyes that we just don’t see it until it’s too late? I think it’s a little of both. I have a girlfriend who moved to New York and promptly met, fell in love and moved in with an out of work actor whom she constantly referred to as “the most wonderful man.” My friend was going to school and working two jobs while her Mr. Wonderful did…nothing. Yet still, they went out to dinner every night and he constantly bought her jewelry and sent her flowers. They had been dating for a year when the police showed up at her door and arrested Mr. Wonderful for nine counts of identity theft. Now who saw that coming?

There’s a well worn cliché that says nice guys finish last. But in love, I don’t think that’s the case. Yes, all women go though a bad boy stage and there are times in our lives where the last thing we want is a “nice guy”. But then age, maturity and a longing for substance and stability takes over and it’s the nice guys that we run too. Whether it be bad boys or nice guys, it’s the character of the man makes all the difference in the world, making them caring, genuine, kind hearted men. And that is something you just can’t fake.

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33 comments

  1. I really hate your column. You are boring and tell the same thing every week. Whining about men in a tiny insignificant news paper, you probably think you are something else. Well let s get this clear. . .every girl has had their boy problems; some more than others. Grow up and get over it. Stupid.

    • M

      because that was an incredibly mature response. Seriously, you can’t tell someone to grow up and then all in one breath call them stupid…… It’s really not complicated, if you don’t like it…. which there are some that don’t like it, that’s the way life goes…… don’t read it. Not complicated.

      • Susan Combs

        im not sure she was calling sarah stupid, just the article. well, all of them, really. sad. :(

  2. Amused

    Wow! I thought you Delta girls were supposed to be laid back. This is a cute column and if it incites anger in you, Dear Reader, pray fill your valuable time doing something constructive–especially since you mostly avow that you don’t read it???

  3. Beth

    Gotta love small town, small minded people. People who write negative responses to your column is one reason why I’m sooo glad I no longer live in Columbus. If you don’t ‘read’ the packet, or don’t read it because of her column then why are you commenting on it? You obviously do read it. It’s a column people. There is no reason to be hateful. Perhaps you should go to church again and pretend to be “good Christian people”. There’s a lot of you that are good at that.

    A lot of judgement is cast on an opinion column. And the last time I checked you aren’t the ones that are supposed to cast judgement. Quit being ignorant. And if you go to http://www.dictionary.com you can look up the meaning of that word.

  4. SD

    I imagine trying to date in Columbus, MS is a bleak prospect. Give the writer some credit for throwing a little life and humor into the subject. No reason to be so hateful.

  5. AN

    I think it’s great for people to express their opinions, whether it is positive or negative. I mean, there is such thing as freedom of speech, right? Yes, it is true that if people don’t like this column they could do other things with their time, but that is their decision to make at their own discretion, not anybody else’s. There is a reason this column has a comments section, so if The Packet didn’t want feedback, I guess they could do away with this option. Everybody has their own feeling, opinions, and way of looking at things. No two people are the same. Being from the small town of Columbus, I myself am sick of the ‘small town mentalities’. However, if people who disagree or dislike this column have ‘small town mentalities’, what does it say for someone, who graduated high school 8 years ago, to still be griping and complaining about their love problems? Get real! That’s what teenagers do! As a married woman, who has one child, this goes beyond being childish! I would like to think that a mother could find much more valuable and constructive things to do with her time than constantly complain about her aweful love life. For one, if you think you will ever meet a man willing to put up with his love life being plastered all over the ‘Columbus Gossip Column’, you’re wrong. You’d be lucky to have a decent man even consider to ask you out for dinner or a drink considering his fear for reading about how aweful, dull, childish and lifelss you think he is. Did you ever consider that you may be the problem? In situations like these, it seems to always be the person who is constantly complaing and dissatisfied who brings 90 percent of the problems to the table. For two, if you want so much better for yourself, then get off your rear, quit the complaining, and go find better for yourself. That however, for you, will more than likely require relocation due to all the negativity and ‘man bashing’ you do! Considering the person who writes this column always has, and still does think she is so, so much better than everybody else, she is definitely someone who suffers from ‘small town mentality syndrome’, in my opinion! On the other hand, those who disagree or dislike this ridiculous column, are those who, luckily, outgrew this place a long time ago! They are the people who have enough brains to see this for what it is, flat out stupid! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who preceives things for what they are. For those of you who think this column is so wonderful, maybe you just don’t realize that what you love about it, is the humor found in pure ignorance.On the otherhand, maybe you also suffer from the ‘small town mentality syndrome’ the writer does. Or possibly, your love life, as the writers, has been an epic failure, so you also feel the need to constantly complain and ‘man bash’ to console your own fellings, and just mesh will with others who do the same. With that being said, I do not believe that this column has to be so simple minded. I believe this column could work, and go far, if the writer would choose to write about intellectual topics, as opposed to the ‘same ole, same ole’ week after week. Write about something that will appeal to all of your readers, not just a portion of them. Do reseach about the age range of The Packet readers, and base what you write off of subjects everybody can enjoy and learn something from. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do this. I would like to say, that I did enjoy one column by this writer. I enjoyed the article about how, as a parent, you handle your child asking you a question that you truthfully don’t know how to answer, ever after all the preparation you can imagine. That was the column about the devastation of the tornado aftermath on April 27. With that being said, this concludes my opinions of this column.

    • Susan Combs

      i agree 100%! i started reading these columns in hopes of reading about things a single mother does in a small town. activities with her daughter. events she attended (with or without) play groups. The name of the column is misleading. it has nothing to do with being a single mother. just more and more proof of why she IS a single mother and HOW she got that way.
      i think this will be my last day on the site.

      • AN

        You’re so right! It’s very misleading. And I love the comment about how most of us are probably overweight moms blah, blah, blah! Not the case. I am personally very happy with my life, my family, and my 115 pound weight! I offered my compliments on what I did like, and it’s become more than obvious that people would like to see more intellectual articles written that will appeal to everyone. And if complaining was a job, there would be tons of millionaires around.

  6. :(

    I love reading all of the hilarious comments you women post. I’m sure most of you are overweight stay at home moms that like to rationalize your life style by picking on this girl. At least she has a job. But hey thanks! Your hilarious complaining is actually more entertaining than the articles themselves.

  7. Ashley A

    Its obvious that this sarah chick creates an email herself, replies acting like someone else and defends her column. As i know and have heard stories of this sarah chick, stories involving mostly men and break ups, sleeping around and being “not such an angel”, pretends to be a good mom but ….doesn’t your parents watch over them while you seem to go here and there and “date” random guys just about every weekend? Talk about people doing this and that when in all honesty…you wish it was YOU that did it? Its halarious and everyone talks about it. Keep writing so i’ll keep laughing about how you pretend to be this perfect person….cause we all know you lack in that department.

  8. shut up

    OMG!!!!! :( said it right the only reason you all talk about her is because you all are jealous that she is got something going for her life and is in the packet and you all dont have s***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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