Valentine’s Day. Those two little words have the ability to make a single woman’s blood run cold. Just writing this I want to reach for a sedative and the cookie dough. The way I see it, the only people who truly benefit from Valentine’s Day is single men. Have you ever been out the night before Valentine’s Day? It’s like fishing with dynamite. Men are able to prey on single women’s insecurities about being alone and seduce them into thinking that one night (or 15 minutes, depending on the man) can make all your worries and fears disappear. If the circumstances are right, all the planets are aligned and you’ve had one drink too many, his logic just may begin to make sense. And to me, that’s the really scary part. At what point would you rather spend your nights with a stranger than be alone?
I have an acquaintance that always seems to be in a relationship. I’m pretty sure she’s been collecting boyfriends since kindergarten. And that’s great for her except…she never seems truly happy. Distracted maybe, but not truly fulfilled. She has a new boyfriend what seems like every week and each one is “The One”. She is also only too happy to pass along relationship advice to the poor unfortunate souls who happen to be single at the moment. But if you look closely, every smile, every laugh, every embrace between she and her man du jour seems…forced. All so she doesn’t have to spend her nights alone. And that breaks my heart. I can’t imagine anything worse than feeling lonely when you’re with someone. Maybe I’m wrong and maybe she’s truly happy but I can’t help but wonder what would happen to this woman if she was actually single for a while. If she fell in love with herself before falling in love with someone else. But as much as I pity her, sometimes, just sometimes, I get it.
I have a confession to make. I joined eHarmony. I know, I know but please reserve your judgment until I can explain myself. Bags of red and white candy have been filling the shelves of Wal-Mart since January 1, you can’t walk into the Hallmark store without being bombarded by gigantic red paper hearts and I swear I am one Kay’s Jewelry commercial away from doing bodily harm to those cheesy actors. I live next door to a wedding dress shop for goodness sakes. At some point, it all starts to get to you. So let me set the scene for you: It was late on a Sunday night (which is the absolute worst by the way), my latest male distraction of the moment had just asked me if the uprising in Egypt was “Where the pyramids and sh*t are?” and I was all out of wine. Not a good time for me my friends. Then an eHarmony commercial came on. And dang it, if the two love struck fools on screen didn’t look ridiculously happy. And for a brief, fleeting moment, my heart hurt. Plus, it was free for the entire month of February; you can’t pass up a deal like that. So I got out the only warm thing in my apartment these days, my laptop, and spent the next hour or so filling out a questionnaire. Everything from my natural hair color (which I don’t even know anymore) to the toppings I like on my pizza. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. And wouldn’t you know it, not even eHarmony can find me a match. Not a single stinkin’ one. At this point, you just have to laugh and buy yourself your own dang box of chocolates.
So as easy as it is to pass judgment on those who fill the void of loneliness with men, wine and chocolate maybe a little understanding wouldn’t hurt. Maybe once in a while it helps just to have someone there. For all the talk about love, romance and everything that goes along with it, sometimes all you need is to have someone hold you for a while. And that’s something that all the chocolate in the world can’t fix. But for me, this Valentine’s Day I’ll be home with a big candy heart I bought myself, trashy romance novels and inevitably a bad Lifetime marathon. And the only thing I’ll be holding is my body pillow. Because as comforting as it is sometimes to have someone there it’s even better knowing you’re ok alone. Just you and the chocolate.0