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Single +1

Since the beginning of time there has been a battle raging. Forget Holy Wars, the Capulet’s and the Montague’s, M&M’s vs. Reese’s. I’m talking about something on a much grander scale. I’m talking about the battle of women vs. women. Let’s face it, at the end of the day, women…well…we’re b*tches. I’ll be the first to admit that the older I get, the bitchier I get. (I’m pretty sure it’s genetic.) I don’t do it on purpose and it’s rarely on a daily basis, but it’s been known to happen. All women have the ability to flip that switch. And being Southern, we can insult you with sugar dripping from our mouths and follow it with a “bless your heart” so you’re none the wiser that we pretty much just called your entire family a group of inbreeds. I swear it’s something they start teaching us in grade school. However, while we’re all capable of this nasty behavior, some of us do it more readily than others. So that leads me to one question: Why the heck do we feel it’s necessary?  Growing up, I very much had the “ugly duckling” experience. I wouldn’t consider myself hideous but there were definitely a few awkward years in there (the majority of the 90’s, but who’s counting?) where I had a face only a mother could love. Frizzy hair, braces for most of high school and a wardrobe inspired by a mix of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Clarissa Explains It All, I was a mess. But I had absolutely no idea. Because I had friends. Real honest to goodness friends that I am thankful for to this day. Don’t get me wrong, we had our fair share of petty pubescent squabbles but in the years that self esteem is oh so fragile and all you want is to belong, these girls accepted me for who I was. Blue eye shadow and all. I wasn’t a cheerleader (you couldn’t have lifted me anyway) and I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 18 (true story but that’s for another time) but I was unbelievably happy. And I owe that to a handful of likeminded, awkward, nerdy, teenage girls who grew up to be incredibly strong and amazing women. Because it didn’t occur to us to be anything else. And we owe that to our mothers who led by example.  We all know that women have the ability to use words to cut like a knife. I myself have been called Satan’s Mistress on more than one occasion and to be completely honest, I took it as a compliment at the time. But I’m just curious as to what would happen if we as women spent half as much time building each other up as we do tearing each other down. Whether men want to admit it or not they gossip just as much, if not more, than women do. But if I went on a date with a man and he spent the evening talking about how Bob from accounting couldn’t lose those last 15 lbs (it’s because he drinks too much) or Ted from down the street needed to seriously rethink his tie collection (that might be why his wife left him) I would never want to see that man again. So shouldn’t I take that logic and apply it to myself? How unattractive is it for me to present myself in that manner? Shouldn’t I be more concerned with my and my daughter’s life, ways to better us, than to focus on someone else’s flaws? It’s like that old phrase: “Don’t point out the speck in your neighbor’s eye before you have removed the log from your own”. Because if we want to get right down to it, Bob might have a thyroid problem and Ted may be living paycheck to paycheck. And all the while, the back of your dress may be tucked up in your pantyhose for the entire world to see. And that is when you show your a**. As a mother, I can already see the lines being drawn. Prinny is only in Pre-K and one of three girls in her class but my goodness, the estrogen is already taking over. My fear is that what starts out with a snippy little comment at five years old could snowball into despicably cruel behavior at 15, 25, or even 55 years old. I want her to know that no one benefits from a petty, down right mean girl attitude and such antics only shine a spotlight on her own insecurities. I want to teach her the value of surrounding herself with women who lift you up and for whom you do the same. The way I see it, that’s really the only way to truly end this timeless battle. Because the only argument I want to be in with a woman is the one where we’re debating which little round candy is better than the other. (Hint: M&M’s win every time.)

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8 comments

  1. Bulldawg

    The Feminist movement is the main reason for the disposition of women these days. On a lesser note, society itself is a factor; although it just pushes forward the feminist agenda. These days women are “supposed” to have the career, the money, the looks, the body, the children, the hot husband. Ladies it’s never gonna happen. I would be bitchy if that were on my shoulders every day too. Stop trying to live up to something that a few materialistic, self-serving, lying feminist have made you believe is your right. You should be happy with yourself first and foremost. Degree, no degree; fat, not fat; attractive, not attractive; rich, not rich. Love you for you and I guarantee you will feel better, look better, love better, and know more. your life is “your” life, for NO ONE else to call you a failure . This is written with all due respect to ladies. I just wish you would wake up and live.

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