Being single is the best thing in the world 23 hours and 45 minutes out of the day. But when you crawl into bed by yourself, night after night, alone yet again, those last 15 minutes…well let’s be honest, they suck. I’m a woman in my twenties and I’ve been single again for almost four years. I was bitter for one, hopeful for two and now just praying I don’t die alone in my apartment with no one but the cats to notice the smell. The fact that I’m deathly allergic to cats would make that lonely and miserable death particularly tragic and ironic.
I grew up in Columbus, dated in Columbus and then married someone who wasn’t from Columbus. I’m thinking that’s where my problem started. My story has a very familiar ring to it: “W” girl marries a guy from the base, they move away and live happily ever after…except that’s not what happened to me. My fairy tale took a different turn. So now my preschool aged daughter and I are back in my hometown and I have decided to do the unthinkable. I have decided to date. Lord help.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but everyone is married. It’s what we good Southerners do, we marry and start making babies as soon as possible. So when you’re divorced at a relativity young age, all the men your age are already taken and gravity has yet to take its toll, what do you do? Join a harem? Try match.com? Or throw yourself off the Tombigbee? None of these options seem to appeal to me.
I knew times were getting desperate when I agreed to go on a blind date. I had been divorced for a while and was to the point where I no longer wanted to run over my ex husband with my car; that meant personal growth. So when an acquaintance said she knew the “perfect guy” I was just lonely enough to take the bait. For future reference, when a girl says she knows the “perfect guy” and she herself isn’t interested in him, run the other way. I’m a simple girl, I enjoy great conversation, appreciate when a man opens a door for me and am not above laughing at a dirty joke. But when you argue with me that Lynyrd Skynyrd did not sing “Sweet Home Alabama”, that sir is a deal breaker. I guess they won’t be playing that song at our wedding.
I’ve gone on dates since and I’m sure there will be more as lately I seem to be a two date kind of girl. I’m pretty sure I’ve dated every eligible man in Columbus and my options seem to be dwindling by the day. But I’m going to keep at it and hope to goodness one of these days I can actually meet someone who isn’t unemployed, still living with his Mommy and spends his days playing X-box. If you would like to meet him, his name is Earl and I’m sure he’s the “perfect guy” for you.0